Mystery Reader The Pirate

Girl-Child's class, every Friday just before Circle Time at the end of the school-day, hosts a Mystery Reader. This is a parent or friend of the school, who reads a book of his or her choice to the children, each week a different person. Two or three years ago, so the legend goes, one Reader remained entirely mysterious by wearing a gorilla suit. The only other parent to have achieved similar legendary status was a Cordon Bleu-trained chef, (mom of a student) who arrived with a copy of The Velveteen Rabbit and a tray of individually-wrapped decorated Devil's Food Cake cupcakes.

HomoDommi took it upon himself to ascend to legend as well. So yesterday he, myself and The Texan (who took the day off from work) went to Helen's Pacific Costumers (Fulfilling Fantasies for Over 100 Years) and selected a pirate costume for him. It was a wonderful place, a huge warehouse stacked floor to ceiling with costumes - hats, breeches, belts, masks, coats, shirts, dresses (we didn't go through the section of animal costumes, the next aisle over). Helen herself was there (although she looked nowhere near 100 years old, so maybe her magic works on more than just fabric). She let us dig and play and try things on -- making comments like, "Those over there are all from a production of Amadeus that I did a couple of years ago. All the actors were 38s." and "That pile is from 1776 -- in that one, all the actors were 6'3" and over 200 pounds." "So, the costumes were period-appropriate," said I, "but the size of the people weren't." "Nah," she responded, agreeing. "That was in Texas. They were all Texan."






We tried on several wonderful combinations -- a personal favorite being a Jack-Sparrow-like brocaded 18th Century frock coat with a mis-matched but equally splended waistcoat under, ("Remember," Helen said, "Pirates didn't order clothes to be tailored -- they just killed a man and took his clothes"). But, even with the dreadlock wig, it looked a little too put-together, a little too subtle for our 2nd-grade audience. In the end, we went with all black with a handkerchief around his head (the wig was so huge that we couldn't find any hats to stay on it).

Perhaps we should have gone with the wig after all -- Girl-Child said she instantly recognized her father from "the little gray hairs curling out from under his head wrap" (and more convincingly, from the wriststrong bracelet that he always wears and forgot to take off). Even so, the boy sent to the Office to pick up the Mystery Reader was more than a little shocked, leading the pirate back to the school room from a safe distance of 10 or 15 feet, eyes wide and wary.